Dear Scorpio,

You, sir, are the spawn of satan and a part of the reason I decided to seek therapy. You are by far the most toxic man I have ever met in my life. You actually remind me of the Pisces but far worse. It took me a while to notice that you had the potential to be emotionally abusive, manipulative, and just a complete a**hole. I would say that I have some good memories of you but right now all I have is anger and rage toward you, and that’s okay. I owe it to myself to sit in these feelings, to embrace the negative aspects of that part of my life, and to work towards forgiveness on my own time. I can honestly say that you did not deserve me. I was good to you; more good than the good your little brain could have ever comprehended.

Over the years, we have had our share of ups and downs that led to our bridge becoming too narrow to hold us both. It was either you or me, and I chose me. Your pop-up conversations happened too often after we would break things off. You were unfair to me; masking your internalized insecurities to look like care and concern. In actuality, turns out you were only in and out for sex. My mom taught me the phrase “once a dog, always a dog,” in relation to men. I never really knew what it meant, that is until you came crawling along with your flees. It took me too long to realize that your kind gestures and outwardly appealing good heart were your subtle way of controlling me and ensuring that you still were able to open the door to my life. You know who else plays mind games to throw you off your path by presenting you with something appealing, the devil. I was not your revolving door to play with, like some juvenile child seeing a door that spins repeatedly for the first time. Revisiting old feelings of love and lust was not conducive to my emotional or mental stability. It wasn’t fair to me when you randomly popped up just to check in. You seemingly always attempted to make me feel as if I were in the wrong; gaslighting me to believe I was the reason you would not commit to me. You had me believing I had neglected to appropriately embrace your ideas of a relationship between us, however, it was all you. You did not deserve me in any shape, form, or capacity. You were the one who never committed to me, I was just naive enough in the moment to commit to a man that was never mine. I dated your potential when I should have only dated your red flags, hence not dating you at all.

“You be talking all that mess and still can’t back it up
Good loving is more than fucking, sex just ain’t enough
Can you turn me on with no penetration?
Engine running, but don’t leave out the station
You be fumbling getting to the end zone
You drowning, baby, ’cause you ain’t go no strokes”

Looking back on that situationship, what the hell was I thinking; ew. Neither you nor your sex were really that good. If only I could reclaim the time I spent with you. Reality sunk in when I realized it was time for me to move on and finally leave the feelings I had for you in the past. I really wish you could come pick up all the feelings I have for you and take them with you. Better yet, I wish I could dump these feelings out of my body and burn them like trash. There is no room for these feelings in my life, as they were prolonging the process for me moving on. The one thing you made me realize is that I need safety in a relationship. More than the idea of just feeling physically safe but to feel emotionally and mentally safe as well. You are the most insecure man I have ever met and that insecurity is a part of what taught me my dislikes in a man. You claimed you were afraid to lose me but in reality, you were really afraid of losing the control you attempted to have over me.

“When your d*** is tragic (tragic)
Who was lying when they told you you was all that?
(Now, who was lying when they told ya)
And we had it
Just another good laugh in our group chat
Reclaim, reclaim, reclaim, reclaimin’ my time
Reclaim, reclaim, reclaim, reclaimin’ my time”

I will say this, I thank you for teaching me what I like and dislike. You taught me to decipher between what I want to accept and do not want to accept. You taught me how to seek out safety from myself. I learned to remain ever-present to my own feelings and emotions; no longer neglecting to sit in even the most negative of feelings. The best thing about it all, I learned to remain genuine with myself. I learned how to set better boundaries and how to say no. The day I blocked you, I was angry. I was hurt, however, I was awake. I had awakened to the idea that a boundary needed to be set between us. That boundary was that all communication between the two of us had to be severed. Me blocking you was and still is, a strong goodbye. Good riddance to your chaotic energy and low capacity to try at anything mentally, other than lying. I wish you all the best because baby, I was the best and you lost me. I pray for you to have continued growth and that one day you’ll learn how to heal from whatever nasty little habits you continuously try to hold on to. Cheers to the end of this situation because I have been waiting to exhale for a very, very, long time.

Love, safety.