Dear Butterfly, 

You have been waiting to exhale for a very long time. I accept you, your wants, and your needs. You have been through a lot of shit homie. You have grown into such a beautiful being, walking through life with a space so large that it has become hard to find a man that can fit his puzzle piece perfectly into your space. I am so proud of you for allowing yourself to reflect and process your story. You have truly found self-love and peace with yourself. Your self-love comes with the infinite process to make yourself better and better. I am glad that you finally took the time to engage in therapy to deal with your childhood trauma. Let us say this out loud, you had a bad habit of becoming entangled with emotionally unavailable men. Woosah! I am so glad to know that you have self-identified the root of this issue, as childhood was not an easy thing to live through. You made it through unbelievable trials and tribulations that some would not have been able to overcome. Your strength is truly inspirational.

“Girl you look so good
Don’t know how you do it
Always change the vibe
When I see you on my line
Everybody praises
The power in your phrases
Feel it in my mind
That you’re so divine”

Those four relationships you wrote about in your last four letters are only small pieces to the larger puzzle that highlights the things that you have learned to achieve because of them. You successfully identified a positive from each relationship that you need in order to have a healthy relationship in the future. Though all of these things fit into a theme surrounding communication and emotional comprehension, you now have a greater understanding of how effectively communicating your wants and needs goes a long way in relationships. You know that each of these men have left you with a better idea of what you need to feel loved. You need passion, you need safety, you need security, and you need freedom. It sounds like you also have identified the biggest elements of them all, acceptance and comprehension.

You need a partner to accept not only your wants and needs but your demands. I know demand sounds like such a harsh word but in reality, it just means that your partner should be able to accept what you need for him to bring to the table. I know that it has always felt like you were the only one accepting demands, as you were so eager and willing to conform to the needs of your partner. Sir, we know that you are fully capable of compromising but now it is time for you to also expect others to do it for you as well. Like a butterfly, you have successfully left your cocoon. You have weathered the storm and life has brought you full circle from the emotionality of grief and trauma.

“Got me feeling like no other
Praises to the Holy Father
‘Cause you-ou-ou be killiin ’em
Any you are one in a million
Oh ah
Oh ah
You-ou-ou be killin’ em
And you are one are in a million”

You have such a large space that you often had cut down for men that were like poachers chopping off the tusks of an elephant. Like tusks to an elephant, that space is a part of you. You are this beautiful soul that loves hard, is protective of those you love, and is empathetic to all around you. You are larger than life and surely larger than dating emotionally unavailable men. You deserve nothing but the best. It is time for you to start claiming your largeness. Take hold of what you know you are fully capable of achieving in a relationship while holding on to the things that you value. You are powerful and definitely wise beyond your years. Be confident and remain courageous when dealing with men and remember, they’ll treat you as well as you treat yourself. Stop allowing men with tiny raggedy-ass space to enter your large space and make you feel like you have to diminish your largeness to accommodate their lack of capability to foster mental and emotional capacities. When you least expect it, the man that is fully capable to fit into your space will come. The best thing about puzzle pieces is that though they don’t fit into every space and form imperfect shapes, they have a perfectly imperfect space assigned to them. That space will be the space he will land in. I pray you find not only what you want but what you need; a man that will fulfill your wants and needs and accepts you effortlessly. I love you Stef.

Love, acceptance.