Dear Aries, 

Oh you, where do I even begin? You were the best boyfriend I have ever had and by far the nicest. You showed me more attention than I could ever dream was possible. You are so pure and full of light. I do not honestly think you have one ounce of bad in you. The unfortunate part about our relationship is that I still had healing to do from my past relationships, which unbeknownst to you, ended us. I did not even realize how much my past was still holding me back from being my full self towards someone else. However, despite the lack of devotion and presence on my end, you gave me something so much more than any other man; freedom. You reminded me of what it feels like to be completely authentic in a relationship. There were no pushes to force me to succumb to your will. There were no verbal assaults in attempt to break down my self-worth and confidence. There were no inconsistencies with presence or commitment, leaving me to feel as if I were on a never-ending chase. Most importantly, there was comprehension, humility, trust, and understanding.

“I was distracted
And in traffic
I didn’t feel it
When the earthquake happened
But it really got me thinkin’
Were you out drinkin’?
Were you in the living room
Chillin’ watchin’ television?
It’s been a year now
Think I’ve figured out how
How to let you go and let communication die out”

When I was with you, I truly felt free. The feeling of freedom was so exhilarating and reassuring. I always felt as if you and I were gliding on a never-ending plane in a spiritual universe. Our relationship was new for me, as I was only used to dating emotionally unavailable men; you were refreshing. You always left me feeling powerful and like I could accomplish anything. You always thought so highly of me and let me know just how much you appreciated having me in your life. You are the one that set the bar high for any man that followed your presence and largeness. Your communication was not always the best but it was the best I had known in a relationship. You were patient, especially while learning my ins and outs. You learned me as if I were the sun at the middle of your universe. If I could describe a visual of how you made me feel, it would be an image of sunflowers and rainbows surrounded by organic greenery. Your aura and mine together blended so vibrantly, like the colors on a continuous spectrum. 

The one downside of our relationship is that we did not work out. And though we did not work out, our break up was the healthiest thing I will ever know. It was open, vulnerable and full of understanding. You really listened to me and cherished everything I said, as I with you. I learned from you that I am capable of giving myself to someone else. After the Scorpio, I believed that I was nearing my end with relationships; questioning if it were possible for me to open up to anyone ever again. I actually felt incapable of opening up, believing that I would never be vulnerable with anyone romantically again. I think in a lot of ways your push to learn me pushed me to open up more and more. I will never forget all of the subtle, yet romantically blissful moments with you. I enjoyed our liking for each other and the romanticism you provided me. I cherish your commitment to me; it was ever-changing. I do believe that I was happy but despite that happiness, I was unhealed. I did not know then what I know about myself now. I still needed space and time to fully walk away from my past. After we broke up, I was able to recognize that though I wanted to, I was unable to fully commit to you. I was still at a place where I did not quite understand the full extent of my wants and needs or being fully authentic with myself.

“But if the world was ending
You’d come over, right?
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant
If the world was ending
You’d come over, right?
The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight
And there wouldn’t be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye
If the world was ending
You’d come over, right?
Right?”

You taught me that it is okay to ask for more without feeling selfish. I learned the freedom to feel authentic and vulnerable. I learned to not walk away from concerns, questions or disputes and face them head on with no shame or guilt. Our relationship left engraved in me patience with myself. I learned to let things fall into place organically, while not forcing them to continue due to my self-doubts. You were the reassurance I needed to remain patient with myself until I was healed. With all of that being said, thank you for reminding me how to just be me in a relationship; how to be free. I now know what a healthy gay relationship looks and feels like. You were the one that made me realize that I had been waiting to exhale.

Merci d’être le plan, mon amour.

Love, freedom