If you know me, you know I am a huge movie buff. I am sure you guessed by now that the title of this post came from none other than the iconic Black film Waiting to Exhale, based on a novel written by Terry McMillan about four African-American women and their relationships with men. I watched this film recently, for the umpteenth time, and found so much healing from it. I suppose you can say that I now have the experience to resonate with the film. Of course, I am not a woman, however, I do relate to the fractured relationships, resiliency, love, and joy that were displayed through the storytelling on screen. Dating men, well dating in general, is hard. Dating is even more complicated when you are not honest with yourself and allow yourself to settle for situations that are not worth the time and energy you spent putting into them; fighting an unconquerable battle.

Now, to the point. Last year, I wrote a series of letters to the four guys I have cared deeply for throughout the years, ending with the last letter of the series written to myself. At this stage of life, I am all about “release” and letting go, while putting things into the atmosphere to be extinguished from my space. I had some moments where I went back and forth, contemplating whether or not I wanted to post these letters publicly. As you can see, I have decided to follow through with what my heart is telling me to do and post the letters to my blog; my self-created safe space. As some of you know, the body holds trauma. I have learned that release is one of my greatest weapons and coping mechanisms to heal from said trauma; my way to emancipate accumulated feelings and emotions from my body. I have not mentioned any names in my letters, as I do believe in protecting the privacy of those I care for, or once cared for I should say. You will notice that the letters are labeled by their zodiac signs, followed by a song that I feel accurately describes my experiences in each relationship. My letter to myself is a reflection of the animals and mythical creatures that I feel represent my growth, knowledge, and takeaways. These letters are my truth and my truth alone. My letters do not speak to the feelings of the four men, nor do they paint a picture from their side of the story because as we know, there are multiple sides to every story. However, these stories in this form are not theirs to own, they are mine.

There are five Thursdays in September, so I have decided that I will use each Thursday of the month to post a letter. This Thursday, August 26, 2021, is meant to represent the start of the series – the prelude. These letters reflect my romantic life from ages 18 to 30; the ghetto. Before you begin reading these letters, know that only two of these relationships were committed. The other two relationships had extended past their expiration dates, causing a rift in boundaries and chaos to stir in my heart and mind. So much has changed about me and within me over the years. I have undergone growth and gained understanding, as well as procuring the ability to learn the takeaways from each of the four relationships. That’s right, I learned not only from the good but the bad as well. I walked away with a new understanding of not only dating but also myself. Like my other pieces, these letters are raw and vulnerable. I am a person that puts my all, my heart and soul, into what I write. As I say often, I am a therapist that believes in the power of vulnerability – the power to show others that they are not alone. I hope you enjoy the series of letters that I cried while writing because I sure enjoyed writing them. This is the long-awaited moment my heart desired; waiting to exhale.